Feliz Año Nuevo, Jugadores de Fútbol!

This week we play the 8th Annual Hangover Bowl on New Years Day @ 10 AM @ Waters Field. Then we play Saturday 1/4 @ 9 AM @ Waters.

Not enough to play on Friday. Despite the promises of showing up, we only had 6 players - the Gauge, Tim D (now known as Dewey), Tom C, Big Jim, Billy B and Tommy B -  and nobody wanted to play 3 v 3. Too much running. So, I guess some thought they would not have to work, but, they did. Some thought they would get out of bed on their day off, but, they didn't. And some thought they had cojones. But, they don't.

Saturday we played 5 v 5. West beat East 25 - 6. West had JC, Wiley C, Big Jim, Tom C and Tommy B. East had the Gauge, 4X, Kenny A, Jeff H and Billy B. West scored on 4 TD passes from JC to Wiley, Big Jim, Tom C and Tommy B. East scored one TD pass from the Gauge to Kenny A. Interceptions were made by Wiley, Billy B and Tommy B. Pass rush was provided by the Sackinator and Cole.

The World's largest athlete had the world's smallest large injury. 4X hurt his pinky. (Note that each of 4X's digits weighs 2 pounds.) Actually, it was pretty bad. He dislocated it and it was sticking out at like 90 degrees. Gnarly, huh? But the good news is 4X was only disabled for as long as it took him to run across the street to the fire department, pop his finger back in place (4X did that himself) and get it bandaged up. Then, he was back in the game! That's how we roll at Mr. T football. Prissies need not apply.

4X Pinky Injury

So Billy B got some aftershave for Christmas. It's called "Happy Endings". Haha. That's a funny name. He says it really burns - bad. Uh. It's aftershave right? Supposed to tingle a little bit. So you put it on your face, right? Because, you know, it doesn't matter what it's called, it's still just aftershave....What a goof.

Start 2014 right. Keep the aftershave on your face and play football, suckas!

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club

Feliz Navidad Cazadores de Patos

Because once a week just ain't enough, next game is Friday, 12/27 @ 9 AM @ Waters. Then Saturday, 12/28 @ 9 AM @ Waters. Football! Yea baby!


Thursday night we played 7 v 7. West beat East 33-27 in double overtime! A very exciting game. The fans were ecstatic setting a new Town of Vienna noise record of 200 decibels and shattering records  held by Kansas City and Seattle. West had the Gauge, Kenny A, TD Banker, HH,  Big Jim, Billy B and Tommy B. East had Mike O, JC, Tom C, Criminal, the UF, Bullet Bob & London Collin. West scored on 3 TD passes from the Gauge to Big Jim (2) and Tommy B. Kenny also threw a TD pass to the Gauge and ran one in. East scored on 2 TD passes from JC to Tom C and JC also ran for 2 scores. Applying QB pressure we had Austin, Josh, Max, the FF and Turk.

Saturday we played 7 v 7. East beat West 28 - 26 in another close game. East had Kenny A, Tim D, TD Banker, Tom C, London Collin & Patrick M. West had the Gauge, JC, HH, Big Jim, Mark H, Billy B and Tommy B. East scored on 2 TD passes from Tim D to Patrick M and Kenny threw 2 TD passes to Tim D and London Collin. West scored on 4 TD passes from the Gauge to HH(2), Big Jim & JC. Austin rushed the QBs.

Criminal and the UF could not play football Saturday because they were busy. They are making a new reality show, "Gay Duck Dynasty". This will replace that other reality show. Now, I know what your thinking. But, you're wrong. The humans in the show are not gay. Well, not necessarily gay. They could be and that's okay. Tolerancia - es muy importante! The premise of this show is that the ducks are gay. Now I'm not sure how to tell the male ducks from the females. But Criminal does. He's a bird watcher. One of his other activities, you know, besides breaking the law. And the UF knows how to attract the gay ducks. He doesn't use a call. No need. Instead he wears a special suit and does a special dance. Here he is practicing. And there's no reason to even talk about duck anatomy. Everyone knows "its water tight." Has to be, right? Also, once the gay ducks are within shooting range, they will only shoot the black ducks, because the black ducks like to be shot. Who knew?

Don't be a gay patos de caza and definitely don't be a pato. You might get shot, suckas.

Feliz Navidad de Sr. T!

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club

Thursday Night Lights

Thursday Night Football, 12/19 @ 7:30 PM @Waters  Bring the wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, kids, grills, chips, kegs... We will be playing under the lights! Come out and help us celebrate the Merry Football season!

We also play Saturday, 12/21 @ 9 AM @ Waters

This week we played 4 v 4. East beat West 25 - 14. East had the Gauge, HH, Bullet Bob and London Collin. West had one sub with 4X, Heat Seeker, Billy B, Tommy B and Big Jim. East scored on 2 TD passes from The Gauge to HH and on 2 pick six by London Collin and HH. West scored on a TD pass from Big Jim to Tommy B and a 100 yard pick six by Billy B. Sackinator provided the QB pressure.

So, WTF? 4v4 is a lot of running. Where is everybody? We've played 4 games so far this year. Do you know how many you've played? I do. Here is the YTD attendance score. If you don't have at least a 3, YOU ARE FAILING. You need to bring up your grade. This week is a good opportunity to make that happen:

The Gauge	4	Criminal	1
4X	4	Tony C	1
Tommy B	4	The Goozman	1
Sackinator	3	Mike P	1
Billy B	3	Jordan P	1
Heat Seeker	3	TD Banker	1
Tim D	2	London Collin	1
Lucha Libre	2	Bullet Bob	1
Mike O	2	JC	0
Big Jim	2	Kenny A	0
Mark H	2	Simon Says	0
Patrick M	2	Kyu	0
Tom C	2	Big Dan	0
The UF	2	Rick the Pick	0
HH	2	Todd M	0
Roger M	2

I play football Saturday. I watch football Sunday, Monday & Thursday so I see a lot of commercials. Are the Lexus commercials with the bows just about the most annoying crap ever? I mean, why are they always on during football games? How many football watchers have enough money to buy someone a car for Christmas? Really! Even if I were a gazillionaire I wouldn't by a car without consulting Mrs. T first. She would get sooo pissed. And its not just the idea of buying a car that's annoying, its those stupid f--king bows and those dorks making them. Who are they targeting with these commercials? I watch football and I do not get it. And what's with the f--king dog wearing the damn bow? Just kind of shows up at the end. Drives me crazy. I'd rather see the Viagra commercials.

And they are also pretty damn annoying. You know the ones - guy's sailboat breaks, truck stuck in the mud, whatever. Then the narrator says "You're too smart to let this get you down..." or some BS like that. Somehow this is related to not being able to crank one up. And they just beat around the bush, pun intended, instead of just coming right out and saying it, "You're too smart to have a limp d--k." And if you've never seen the commercial before or didn't know what Viagra was, you may not even know WTF they were talking about until they start telling about all the possible side effects, like the "erection lasting more than four hours call your doctor." Side note: Ever have to pee really bad at night - bad enough to get wood -  but, you're too tired or lazy to get up so you just keep rolling over and shifting to find that temporary comfort? Ever do that for more than four hours? If you took Viagra and that happened you'd have to call your doctor. Just sayin.

I'm done ranting. This is your week. This is your opportunity. Stop making bows. Play football.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club

Momentum equals mass times velocity. But a wall is a wall.

Next game is Saturday, 12/14 @ 9AM on Waters Concrete.

We played 5v5 last week. West beat East 34-20. West had Tim D, Big Jim, Mike O, Mark H and Tommy B. East had the Gauge, Patrick M, HH, 4X & Roger M. For the West, Tim D scored on 2 TD passes from Big Jim, Tommy B scored 2 TD passes, one from Mike O and one from Tim D and Big Jim scored on a TD pass from Mike O. West also got interceptions by Mark H, Tim D, Mike O and Tommy B. East scored on 3 TD passes from the Gauge to HH(2) and Roger M. And 4X caught a 2 point conversion pass from the Gauge.

Play of the game was, I am told, made by Tommy B. And, I was told, I need to write about it. So, at the risk of sounding even more narcissistic than usual...

Mike O and I were deep to receive a kickoff. Mike received the ball on the left and I took off on an angle in front of him, full speed, and bid him to follow my block. As it happened the first person I was to come in contact with, about two yards off of the sideline, was, none other than 4X. The short story is I "blocked" 4X and Mike O raced down the sideline until he was caught at the 2 yard line by HH. Long story? Well... at about 10 - 20 yards away from 4X I realized that he was who I needed to block. I really didn't put a lot of thought into this proposition. I figured I just needed to have a lot of momentum (mass * velocity). So, I just need to run really fast. Right? Umm. Wrong. At full speed I run about 18mph. I weigh 165#. So, my momentum is about 3000 "units". 4X weighs about 370# and since he is "breaking down" to make a tackle (tag), I figure no more than 8mph which yields a momentum of also about 3000 units. Pretty equal right, seems like that should work, right? Wrong! My logic was soooo wrong. I basically ran into a moving wall. I'd say a brick wall, but I think that would really, really hurt. More like a giant mattress with a brick wall behind it. The wall stopped and I was up ended, bounced backwards airborne several yards, landed on my shoulders (I think), did a roll and actually ended up back on my feet, wondering where I was and why everyone was looking at me. Not much of a block. However, this had the effect of absolutely astonishing the defense ( I think they all thought I was dead or had completely lost my f--king mind) so they all just stopped and gaped. 4X was also amazed (I'm guessing 4X doesn't meet too many people that try that) and missed tagging Mike O. Only HH kept after Mike. And even though I really didn't get hurt, I am not real certain I will try that again. I like to try new things, you know, gather life's empirical evidence, but this was definitely not my smartest moment. Anyway, too bad we didn't get that on film.

So how does someone like Richie Incognito pick on a player like Jonathan Martin? I mean the dude is 6'5" and weighs 320#. Is it really possible? Well, we have a bit of that in Mr. T football. It seems the Gauge likes to "pick" on 4X. It's like we have our own Miami Dolphins locker room. First the Gauge blames 4X for giving up a long kickoff return and then he makes him take off his gloves after he dropped a pass. Then he tells 4X he has to pay for lunch and wash his McNair jersey. But, no matter how much crap the Gauge pours on, it all just bounces off 4X (like people). He is one happy guy. Now, if you took away his food....

I want these guys to be my friends.

Unless you are THE REAL MR. T, do not run into 4X. See you Saturday, suckas.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club

Mohawks are Aerodynamic!

Next game is Saturday, 12/7 @ 9 AM @ Waters field.

A few notes from week #1.

1. The Judge has purchased a new WMD and will henceforth be known as "The Gauge". I believe the new toy is some sort of shotgun. 
2. The UF and Criminal showed up 30 minutes late and they were already sweaty. We are not sure what they were doing - together - but what ever it was it is okay. We are very tolerant football players. Well, tolerant of their activities. Tardiness? Not so much.
3. With 10 v 10 we must have 3 ineligible (otherwise it is just a big mess) so we rotate, all of us, the job of blocking. The Heat Seeker (@135#) decided, on his turn, to block the Sackinator (@100#) instead of 4X (@380#). Understandable and rather humorous, but, not allowed. 
4. Gio, always the entertainer, played the entire game with a wrestling mask. And what is really amazing is that he could actually catch the football....hmm... actually he never took the mask off so we are not really sure it was Gio. Anyway, Gio will henceforth be known as "Lucha Libre".
5. And most important of all, we made it through Week #1 injury-free!

Lucha Libre

Thanksgiving Day we played 10 v 10. West beat East 25 - 13. West had Tim D, Lucha Libre, Billy B, Tommy B, Criminal, Heat Seeker, new T fan Leo Speedwagon, Mark H, Tony C & Diego, a member of the Latino contingent. East had the Gauge, Tom C, 4X, the UF, Patrick M, Roger M and the rest of the Latino contingent: Gomez, Berto, Nacho & Raoul. The contingent were friends of Lucha Libre's but I think Lucha neglected to tell them we would be playing "American" football. Except for Berto, skills were lacking. Providing QA pressure throughout the 2.5 hours of play was the Sackinator.

West scored on 4 TD passes from Tim D to Leo Speedwagon, Billy B and Tommy B(2). East scored on 2 TD passes from the Gauge to Tom C and the world's largest WR - 4X. Sackinator registered 1 sack. Heat Seeker registered 3 sacks.

Tony C, Sackinator, Lucha Libre & Billy B

Saturday we played 7 v 7. West beat East 31 - 28. West had the Gauge, Heat Seeker, the Goozman, Mike P, Jordan P, Billy B and Tommy B. East had Mike O, Tom C, TD Banker, the UF, Lucha Libre, 4X & Roger M.

West scored on 5 TD passes from the Gauge to Heat Seeker (2), the Goozman and Billy B(2). East scored on 3 TD passes to Tom C, 1 from Lucha and 2 from Mike O. Mike O also ran for one TD. Sackinator provided the QB pressure and got another sack.

My daughter, Olivia, told me about this video when I told her to drink her milk. You know, protein is really important for athletes. So all you Mr. T fans had better drink your melk.

See you Saturday, mutha'uckers.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club