When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Mr T.

We played Christmas Eve though attendance was a little light. It was Billy B, Tommy B, Tricky D, Kevin, the Sackinator  & Thomas M (Tricky D's son) vs Big Jim, Mike (Big Jim's nephew), Joe K (Big Jim's son), Criminal & Turk. I don't recall the score but I do recall two highlights. Both were father-to-son connections. Billy B threw a bomb to Matt B (the Sackinator) that Matt took to the house. And Big Jim completed a TD bomb to Joe that Joe caught looking back over his opposite shoulder - just like Lynn Swann.

On Sunday West beat East. Again. The score was 48-20. West had Tom C, Big Jim, Criminal, Bannon the Banker, Billy B, Tommy B, the Sackinator, and back out of retirement, Justin Favre. Cooley showed up late and replaced Criminal. East had Tim D, London Collin, Bob V, Kevin, Howie, Turk and a new T fan, Tim's brother, Nick D. Highlights? How about Big Jim's interception return for TD. Only Kevin gave chase because the rest of East knew he was just too fast!

I am on the distro list for pick up soccer. Every week the note goes out about whether they will play or not. Why wouldn't they play? Believe it or not they claim it's too cold. This is from the organizer, "It is not supposed to get over the freezing mark today and there will be no sun to help warm us and the field." Now don't get me wrong. I like to play soccer but there is definitely something prissy about football when it's not American football. By the way, the UF could not make it this week. But it was not because it was too cold. It was because he was hanging out with his Russian friends testing airbags.

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. I did. My daughter, Olivia, made me a special Mr. T football complete with Mr. T bling. Check it out:

It's a Dad's life. Ok, so some things might be better than playing football.

Anyway, this week we play back-to-back games on New Years Eve and New Years Day. The last day of 2010 and the first day of 2011 - Football! How cool is that? On Friday we will play at 9 AM. On Saturday we will play the hangover bowl at 10.

See you Friday 12/31 @ Waters @ 9 AM. Remember when Mr. T wasn't so way cool and awesome? Me neither.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T Fans Football Club

Peace

An incredible turn out for Saturday's game - 19 players. Was it the snow? West continues their domination of East with a 41 - 7 victory. On the West we had Tim D, Rick "the Pick" L, Criminal, Big Jim, Billy B, Tommy B, Bannon the Banker, Gibby & Big Dan.  The East had Levon, Dancing with Stars, Tom C, the UF, Gio, The Jackson 2, that's Tony and his brother, new T fan Matt J, Twinkle Toes, Kevin & Howie. The highlight of the day has to be Rick "the Pick" L, who got 5 interceptions. The opposing QBs completed more to Rick the Pick than they did to their own receivers. We will miss Rick the Pick for a couple of weeks. It seems he has a fractured rib after being pancaked by Howie. As Rick puts it "Howie treated me like one of Superfly Snuka’s wrestling opponents from the early 80s". Superfly Snuka? Maybe Rick thinks he's "The Magnificent Muraco"

Did anyone go visit Santa Claus? My kids are getting older but we still make them go. I tell them that if they don't tell Santa what they want, they won't get anything. "'Cause how will he know?" It's coercion I know but that's too damn bad. I gotta control something. And sending him a letter won't work either. You just can't be sure he'll read it. Incidentally, I found a photo of a young UF visiting Santa. Posted for your viewing pleasure!

Ahh, the talented UF! Yikes.

This week is Christmas. Christmas is on a Saturday. That's just wrong because Saturdays are for football. We would just play Christmas morning but since so many of us have a wife and kids we will play on Sunday. Family harmony is important. I know. I live with JoJo, aka Mrs. T. So Sunday we will play at 9 on the snow-covered Waters concrete. And don't be making any religious excuses. Just take care of your obligations, if you have any, on Saturday. God would not want you to rest for two days. That would be sloth. It's deadly. So I hear.

So, Happy Festivus everybody. See you Sunday, 12/26 @ Waters @ 9. Right now the projected high temp is 29 for Sunday. Is that too cold? Remember, Mr. T does not get frostbite. Mr. T bites frost.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

P.S. Who can play on Christmas Eve at 2 PM @ Waters? Take the poll!

I'm talented and flexible. I could play Hamlet, even though I look like King Kong.

Another epic battle on the grid-iron today. Well, it was epic if you were playing for West! If you were playing for East, I am certain you got some good exercise. West beat East 55-29. For the West we had three Burke Boys - Billy B, Tommy B and Matt "the sackinator" B, Rick L, Tim D, Gio, Tony and Big Jim. For the East it was Levon, Criminal, Turkish, the UF, Dancing with Stars, Sean P, Mike P, Twinkle Toes and new T fan, Howie. Highlights of the game were a 50 yard kick-off return by Turkish (that's Criminal's son, Bard Jr. who so far has not earned the nickname Juvie D. He is on the straight path. Which isn't easy when your dad is nicknamed Criminal, oh, and also gay.) Matt "the sackinator" B had not one, but two sacks today. I should mention that Bard Jr and Matt B are in 4th grade. The other highlight that I recall was Rick L's 65 yard interception return for TD. Levon, Criminal and the UF all pursued, but, Tommy B got in their way and managed to block all three in a foot race allowing Rick L to run untouched into the endzone. Teamwork baby!

Three weeks of football so far. And it's time for my annual call-out. If you have played with any frequency in the past and I have not seen you this year, shame. The list of those that spend their time doing things that are not as important as football ('cause what is?) is as follows:

Jeff, Cooley,  Bannon the Banker, Chico, Justin, O'Kelly, Rod, John H & Brig.

What's up guys? You got some other way to workout? (WTF? That is probably the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Very disturbing. Who thinks of this crap?) Anyway, not playing football will not make you stronger nor will it make you faster. You will just get old, fat and delusional like this guy. Also very disturbing.

This week we play Saturday 12/18 @ 9 AM on Waters concrete. Better than the metrodome, I guess. The prediction? It's always the same: Pain!

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

Anger - use it but don't lose it.

East played West 8v8 in week 2 and there was some serious hitting going on. Touch football. The only guy that gets "touched" is the ball carrier. And by carrier I mean you must have had the ball for a few steps. For everyone else on the field it's full contact. Plus Waters turf is more like fuzz-covered concrete. And London Collin's forearm is also like concrete, only less fuzzy. Roger M and I can attest to that. Roger had to leave the field early (his head got caught between Collin and the turf) and Collin and I met at the football going full speed in opposite directions. I used to have this problem remembering..., uh..., Damn. Anyway, for the East we had Levon, Tim D, Kevin, Bob V, Criminal, new T fan Big Dan, London Collin and "I can't believe it's not Thanksgiving" Patrick M. For the West was Billy B, Gio, Murdock, Rick L, Tom C, Roger M, Dancing with the Stars and Tommy B. East beat West 41 - 34. Highlights? We scored 75 points so you'd think I'd be able to remember...something.

Preparation. If you really want to excel on the ball field, you have to Be Prepared. Just like good boy scouts. There's all the things you do during the week to be ready, like working out, getting enough sleep and eating well.  Then there is the night-before preparation. Most everyone has their rituals. I like to eat a lot, have a few beers and chill out with Mrs. T. Rick L likes to hit the VI at Happy Hour and stay until Bindy drags him home. Criminal? Well its a little odd and very hard to describe. So, I took a picture of Criminal's pregame custom last Friday night. He really likes Scotch. Nice purse.

You may have noticed that the UF was absent this week. I certainly did. I did some checking and you won't believe what the UF was doing instead of playing football. It turns out he enjoyed cooking so much (this is actual footage of the master baster on Thanksgiving morning) he's taken a job at a BBQ joint. He's the new masseuse. He can make you feet delishilable.

Illegal contact. Does everybody know what that is? In the projects, its "climin in yo windows, snatchin yo people up". On the football field, its intentionally bumping or grabbing a receiver more than five yards down field from the line of scrimmage. Actually you aren't supposed to grab the receiver anytime. But, if you want to check somebody, line up close, go ahead, take a chance. But let's play by the rules. No jibba jabba.

This week's game is Saturday @ 9 AM on Waters Concrete. Remember to bring a red shirt. Remember, Mr. T does not get amnesia, he just chooses to...uh...

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Football Club

P.S. Did you know Mr. T Fan and INGA official Joe A was on Leno? Fred S cut this out of the original. And it was such a nice Cathedral.

I don't hate Balboa, I pity the fool.

Pain. There is no better way to start the Thanksgiving day than by getting up early and playing Football. There is no better way to enjoy a feast then while feeling some pain. We had 18 T fans out for opening day. Playing for the red team we had Levon Helm, Tom C, Spin Doctor, Twinkle toes, Kevin, Tito, Tony, new T fan Mario Kart, and a late arrival the UF. Why was he late? More on that later. On the other team was Criminal, Tim D, London Collin, Tricky D, Billy B, Bob V,  Patrick (I only play on Thanksgiving) M, Gio & Tommy B. So we played red against "other". I think we need to get back to East vs. West. Anyway, other beat red 36-20. Highlights? Billy B was the Highlight. For a while I think red thought he was playing for them - safety. He had several long receptions and scored 2 TDs.

On Saturday we had 6v6, East vs West. Playing for the East was Levon, Dancing with the Stars (new alias for Mike C, aka Spin Doctor), Twinkle Toes, The UF, London Collin & new T fans Joe & Louis. For the West we had Tim D, Criminal, Gio, Billy B, Kevin & Tommy B. West beat East 40-25. The highlight was "Dancing with the Stars" pirouetting past several defenders then arabesquing 30 yards into the endzone.

Turkey Baster. So Criminal and Tricky D stopped by the UFs to bring him to the game Thanksgiving morning but he was busy. Basting a turkey. Seriously? Is that code for something, like, "Hey man, can't play football right now. Gotta baste my turkey. Hehehe." Don't get me wrong. I'm all about being domestic - don't want to mess with Mrs. T. But damn dude. Basting a turkey? Couldn't you make something up? Were you in charge of basting? The masterbaster? Of course this is the UF so no telling what else he was doing with that baster.

Fans. Mr. T's Football Club has them. But, we footballers usually don't see them. I hear that over at Waters the wives and girlfriends of the players were out in cheerleading outfits on Thanksgiving day! Mr. T football could do with some support like that. Ladies, I just want to tell you, I have been told, you are missing out. We are quite a studly bunch. In fact, some say we could be mistaken for another club. Well, at least that is what I hear from Mrs. T. Oh, and the Criminal. For some reason Criminal can also tell we're studly. Hmm.

This week we play on Saturday @ 9 AM @ Waters. Bring a red shirt. Remember, pain is weakness leaving your body.


Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Football Club

The 5th Annual Mr. T Football Club Kickoff

I hope you boys have been keeping yourselves in shape this year. This is football baby! Time for pain - Boom! No wait, not that kinda boom, this kind - Boom! So what has your off-season workout program looked like? P90X or CrossFit? Wind Sprints or Intervals? Endurance mountain bike racing or Marathons? Weight lifting or Drills with the HS football team? If you haven't been keeping up, guess what? It's too late. Prepare for the punishment. Some T fans do this stuff all the time. I have it on good authority that Levon Helms (Billy E) and the Spin Doctor (Mike C) have been doing some stealth training in the early morning hours - intervals between the power lines on the W&OD. Former NCAA athletes trying to recapture their glory days. The UF (JP) and Murdock (Richard D) recently completed the Marine Corp Marathon. Here is a video of the UF leaving the metro just after. And Rick "I'm invincible 'cause I'm only 39" L, along with regular appearances at the VI, is on a new diet. This was his actual intake one day last week:

2 5 guys burgers
1 Heineken
4 pieces of Sushi
1 Sapporo
3 king size pack of Reese's Cup
1 pack cheese&crackers
3 Oktoberfest Hefeweizens
1 pack Hostess cupcakes
1 large bag spicy nacho Doritos
2 Slim Jims 
6 pickled eggs

Yuck. I get nauseated just reading that.

Our first game is Thanksgiving morning, 8 AM at Marshall HS. Too much contention for Waters on turkey day, so for this game, and this game only, go to Marshall HS. All the rest of the season we will go to Waters first. Try not to let this confuse you.

Hard to believe its the 5th season of Mr. T's football. How many more do you have in you? Better play now before its too late.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

P.S. Absolutely no metal cleats this year. It turns out we had a couple of injuries because of this and we do not need anymore equipment malfunctions. Unless you have equipment like her, and you don't.

Garage Party

Help the Burke boys celebrate 90 years!!! I know that statement will be confusing for some of you, but go ahead and think about it some. The 3rd annual guys night out garage party blowout is next Friday, April 9th. Stop by any time after 8 PM. Bring whatever you would like to drink or eat. Traditionally this has meant really bad beer (like PBR or Bud Light Lime) and really bad snacks (like cheeze whiz and vienna sausage). You can bring this stuff if you like but I cannot do it. I will be breaking the rules and promise to have some good German bier and peanuts. We will play darts, ring toss and, of course, the nail game! Joe will be bringing the stump and hammers. I will have the ALL NEW Striking Stool! I hope to see ALL of you there. No RSVP necessary. Need permission? Try testemax!

Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity.

The season finale did not disappoint. We played 4v4 with one extra at QB. It was Kevin, Twinkle Toes, Sean P & Criminal versus Big Jim, Billy B, Rick & Tommy B. Levon played QB for both sides for most of the game. We lost 49-35. Highlights were the nice passing from Levon who threw for 8000 yards and 72 TDs! OK, that is an exaggeration, but he did throw at least 8 TD passes. Sean P also had an outstanding day scoring at least 4 TDs and stealing about 4 INTs. Sean's picks were the difference in the game. The snow was very hard and crunchy so, in the interest of self preservation, we opted to play touch. It was an exceptionally tiring experience especially for those of us that had a few too many at the T party the night before. That would be the Burke boys.

The party was a lot of fun and I think almost every player and many non-playing fans showed up. It was a very sophisticated experience as you would expect for a T party, complete with a snow sculpture! The sculpture was created by the master craftsman, T-Bone Carver. It became apparent after presenting the art to several footballers that the form was not distinguishable to the novice eye. So, I decided to make guessing the artistic expression into an intelligence test. Most failed. Passing, as I recall, were about seven players - the UF (amazing, I know), Kevin, Levon, Mike P, Roger, Gio and I cannot remember who else, because, as I stated above, I had a few too many. Here is a photo of the sculpture:

Obviously, the top half of Mr. T's head, which I call "Ice T". Wrong answers were a bug, a car, a train, an R-rated guess from George B and an X-rated answer from Rick that I cannot print. Poor Bindy! Congrats to those deemed intelligent. Of course it could mean you just think like me which, arguably, may not be a good thing.

It was an enjoyable season with lots of football - 15 games - and lots of participation - 47 different players. Kevin & Tommy B take the attendance record by only missing one game each. Maybe former rugby footballers are more durable? Attendance chart is posted. Some of you need to get your priorities straight. In case you were wondering (of course you were) we had 6 games in January & February where we played East vs West. The result was a tie, 3-3, but the East did outscore the West 158-126.

I have heard that many would like to continue playing since nobody can use the fields but us, the true athletes, footballers! So, I have a poll, if you want to play next Saturday, say so. Then check back Friday night and check the tally. The UF, Billy B & I will be snowboarding in Colorado so we are out. But if you really want to play, then play. You don't need me here to babysit, do you? Remember, despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

"Do you know me? Of course you do. 'Cause I'm famous!"

Another great day playing TACKLE football in the snow! Not only was it still two feet deep, but it was also nice and chunky which made it even harder to run. Another amazing workout. We played 5v5 with one extra at QB. On one side there was Kevin, Twinkle Toes, Tom C, Rick, Bob the Builder and new T fan, John. They scored 3 TDs. The other side had Criminal, Mike C, Billy B, London Collin & Tommy B. We did not score, alas. But, we did make some nice tackles! The highlight of the day was a long pass from Bob the Builder to Twinkle Toes who dove into the snow in the end zone for the score.

Don't forget about the "T" party this Friday at 7 PM. Mike C's band is going to play live in my kitchen! We need new appliances anyway. And Criminal will be doing a fashion show! See the picture of Criminal back when he was just a Juvie D?

It does not look like will have any contention for the field again next week so I think we need an encore. That's right. One more chance Saturday 2/20 at 9 AM! If the snow stays we will most likely play tackle again. This game will be the morning after the Mr. T party the night before. So you can make sure you have your priorities straight - play football with or without a hangover? Speaking from experience, the cold temperatures do help to keep your brain on ice, so long as you do not get too out of hand. So what the heck. Besides, your friends will take care of you - that's what friends are for! Just don't be "very, very friendly men" on the football field.

Have you been enjoying the Olympics? Does anybody else think the network shows too much figure skating and not enough of anything else? They only showed 3 out of 8 heats in the boarder cross quarter-finals but we had to see ALL the figure skating. And there's not even an American in contention for figure skating. What's up with that? And why do all the male announcers for figure skating sound like they have a testosterone deficiency? And why do the male figure skaters wear make-up? Male snowboarders do not wear make-up. Just some observations.

Did you know that Mr. T’s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you? Especially if you do not show up for the encore on Saturday.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonzer
Mr. T's Fan Club

"T" Party

It's time for the 4th annual "T" party. "There ain't no party like my nanny's T party. Hi Ho." (I really, really like this video!) If you are on my email list then you are invited. JoJo (aka Mrs. T) told me she hopes we have a really, really big turn out. I wasn't sure if she would even let me have the party. But when I asked she was really excited! This was our actual conversation:

"Hey honey, do you think we could have the Mr. T party at our house this year?"
"Well, I am not sure. How many do you think will come?"
"Oh, uh, not too many."
"Ahh, that's too bad. It's just not a party unless we have a whole bunch of people over."
"Oh, uh, well, I uh, can see what I can do to get as many as I can?"
"That would be wonderful honey. Tell everyone you know!"
"Wow. OK!"

There you have it! I took notes to make sure I got it right. So, even if you never made it out for a single game, you and your wife are invited to the party. We'll have some beer and food but please bring more beer and food.

• Where: 705 Birch Street SW
• When: Friday, February 19th
• Time: 7 PM

The party will end whenever I kick everybody out, or, as soon as the UF starts doing strange things with my pets, whichever comes first. Fortunately, we have Guinea Pigs and not Gerbils. Should I be more worried? Hmm.  Anyway, answer the poll and let us know if you are coming.

And don't forget about our season finale this Saturday, 9 AM. The weather outside is frightful which makes football most delightful. Waters field is the only place you gotta go, so let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

I pity the fool who has to ask me if I still pity the fool.

This is me: Wake-up at 8 AM look out the window and see all the snow, get my gear on, run downstairs, like a 5 year old on Christmas morning. "Honey", I say, "this is going to be great!" Outside, shovel my walk, clear off my truck and head off to Waters field. At this hour you get to make first tracks through the snow, fish-tailing just because, busting through the snow walls that the plows created. Yee Ha! I arrive at Waters at 8:45 and nobody is there. Hmm. They'll show. They're not all prissys. So I start to set up the field, alone. Mike P arrives and he just walked from his house one mile away. But, he is the only one. I'm starting to wonder about the company I keep. Are they really all this lame? Only thing we need is endzones, a couple of trash cans and a couple of cones do the trick. Mike and I set up the field. Finally, three more show - Kevin, Twinkle Toes & Murdock - and it looks like we will play. I need to make some quick calls. I dial up the UF and Mrs. UF answers, "Oh, he'll be right along. I told him he had to have some food before he went out in the snow so I made him breakfast." Wow. It's already 9:10 so I call Criminal, "On my way", he answers. "Game starts at 9", I reply. I call Big Jim, "I'm digging out." "Hurry", I say.

If you are not named above then,

This is you: Wake-up whenever, look outside and think "No way they'll play in this. It's impossible." Or your wife says, "Honey, I don't think its safe. It's just foolish going out in this." And you listen. Prissy.

We played 4v4 in two feet of snow - tackle! That's right, tackle! And it was awesome. On one side we had Twinkle Toes, Mike P, Murdock & Tommy B and we scored 4 TDs. On the other there was Criminal, the UF, Kevin & Big Jim and they scored 3 TDs. Running in two feet of snow is really, really hard but it is an amazing work-out. We had quick dumps, shovel passes, bombs, sweeps & options. Diving catches - even when diving wasn't necessary. And tackles, lots of tackles!

So where were you? Ice fishing? Did your car breakdown? Life is short, so play while you can.

Last game of the season will be Saturday 2/13 @ 9 AM @ Waters. The snow will still be on the field - don't be a prissy. Again.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

Week 10 Updates

Tommy's Tips

1. If you do not live in Vienna and you do not have a four wheel drive, I suggest you make your way to our fine town on Friday night. Find a place to crash. You can stay in my basement - my dog almost never bites unless I tell her to, or you could check into a local hotel.
2. If you are a pansy-ass, make sure you get your groceries and gas up your car tonight.
3. If you need to shovel your wife's car out in the morning, get out of bed earlier. If you need to shovel your mother and your mother-in-laws' cars out, get up even earlier.
4. If you have cramps, take your meds.

Unless you are out of town or seriously injured, you have no excuse. So far as I know the only serious injuries we have had are a torn ACL and a fractured foot. So unless this is you or you're are recovering from a concussion (maybe you think you're Batman), you should be at Waters field by 8:45 so you can get warmed up. Remember, this is not golf, croquet, softball, baseball, tennis, polo, cricket, lacrosse or even soccer. This is football. So no jibba jabba.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

You can run, but you can't hide. Because Mr. T is already there.

Another epic outing in the snow! It started to fall right at nine and never stopped. By 10:30 or so we could no longer see the field markings. We played 7v7 and this time the East spanked the West 30-6. East had Levon, Gio, Tom C, Tony, Bob V, Twinkle Toes & Mike C. West had Tim D, Criminal, Murdock, Tricky D, London Collin, Kevin & Tommy B.  For highlights I cannot recall anything specific, just nice passing from Gio and Levon and good routes by the East. There was a nice collision of about 450 pounds when Levon & Mike C both went for the same interception. They lay on the ground for a while and we almost had to roll them off the field so we could continue playing. Fortunately they both got up and appeared to be ok. Well, ok except Levon kept claiming, "I'm batman!"

Last week's poll had 18 respondents. Eleven will not, five are willing and only two would rather play tackle. Looks like nobody wants to play tackle except me and my brother. Huh. So are the Burke boys just tougher than everyone else or, not quite as smart? As I've said before there is a fine line between bad ass and dumb ass and I have definitely crossed it a few times before and I am sure that given the opportunity, I will again. Oh well. No opportunity this time. Touch it is.

So, here's a tangent. What's with all the ED commercials during football games? Do guys that watch football have some correlation with ED? I know guys that play football also watch football but I don't think I know anyone with this ailment. At least from the sideline banter, it's not apparent. Did drug companies actually do any market research or are they just trying to annoy the crap out of us? Don't you love it when your kid asks, "Dad, what's ED?" Now my daughters just giggle when they hear "if you experience a four hour erection..." From my experience and the conversations I've had, most guys have the opposite problem - crankin one up for no damn reason. How many times back in school did you take the zero because you wouldn't go to the blackboard and solve the problem? You knew the answer but the timing was bad. Or maybe you're walking around the office and your boxers happen to rub the wrong way? It happens. I created a new poll - it's market research for Pfizer. Really. So be honest. And this poll has nothing to do with the response to last week's poll. Really.

This week it's Superbowl Saturday! The game is on 2/6 @ 9 AM @ Waters. May the best team win. Like Mr. T says, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" There's also a game on Sunday with hopefully no ED commercials. "Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?" I got $20 dat say dem Colts do. Any takers?

Tommy B

Chief Antagonizer

Mr. T's Fan Club

P.S. So has anyone bought the new iPad?

Don't gimme no back talk sucka!

We played 7v7. West beat East 44 - 24. Although players switched sides throughout the day, West was comprised primarily of Tim D, Rick, Big Jim, Billy B, Tricky D, London Collin & Tommy B. The East was mostly Levon, Tom C, Bob V, the UF, Criminal, Gio & Tony. At the risk of seeming narcissistic, the highlight of the day was an 80 yard kickoff return for TD by yours truly, Tommy B. West was losing 18 - 6 before the kickoff and this play shifted momentum to the West.

We have quite a few new players this year and some of the players from years past seemed to have dropped out. So, I am wondering what has happened to Bob the Builder, Chico and the Man, Brigg T and Patrick M, to name a few? You boys hurt? Did you put on a few pounds so now you are worried about a wardrobe malfunction? Umm.... at least she is, uh, fit.

So, did anybody watch the NFC Championship game? Rhetorical question. Could Favre and co. have done anymore to hand the Saints the game? Every week we play I think it seems like we make a lot of mistakes and it must be because we just play for fun. Then you watch the Vikings turn the ball over 5 times in one game and realize that even the pros make mistakes. They just make pro-size mistakes. This game aint easy. If it was easy it probably wouldn't be any fun.

Speaking of easy, I have heard some grumblings about the possibility of playing tackle instead of touch. Of course, if we played tackle it would be rugby style: no pads and no function buttons. The UF will get distracted if you have function buttons. Touch is fun but I, for one, do not like to be called down when I am barely touched. "I got you with end of this finger and this finger. Drives me crazy." Nobody is bringing me down with a few fingers and I am sure that many of you feel the same way. On the other hand, tackling Big Jim, London Collin or Twinkle Toes after they have a full head of steam will probably hurt. So, there is definitely a trade-off. I created a poll to see where our collective interests lie. The poll is anonymous so nobody can call you a prissy (if you even care).

Did you know that Mr. T invented the Manwich? Next game is 1/30 @ 9 AM @ Waters. You can assume for now that we are playing touch. So no jibba jabba.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

P.S. Like Softball? If so contact London Collin. We play Tuesday nights at Southside park (the tough side of town) starting in April. Collin is a great team organizer  - much better than Tommy B - because he does not lie and he supplies free beer for every game! How cool is that?

Waldo hides out of fear of Mr. T

Ouch! The East beat West bad, 36-6. We played 9v9. The East had Twinkle Toes, Tim D, Levon, Bob V, Tom C, Cooley, Criminal, Bannon the Banker & Roger. The West had Murdock, Rick, Billy B, Kevin, Gio, Mike E, Tricky D, Tommy B & new T fan, Tony. The UF came late and replaced Rick. East was completing passes to wide open receivers. West was completing passes to wide open defenders. Depending on which side of the ball you were on, it was awesome or, it was ugly. The West looked as bad as Tony Homo and the Dallas Cowboys.

Highlight of the week? How about this: Bannon the Banker was enroute to score his second or third TD of the day after receiving a nice pass from Levon. It would have been a 60 yard TD run but he pulled up lame 20 yards short and fell to the ground holding his leg. It looked like it hurt, bad. He hobbled off the field with an apparent knee injury. It turns out he had just torn his ACL. The highlight came when, after a 10 minute break to stretch out , Bannon returned to the field! Of course he did not know how bad his knee was, he just played through the PAIN! Damn, that is tough! Ya think genetics have any thing to do with that? If you did not know it, Bannon the Banker is Bannon Wysocki, son of former Redskin, Pete Wysocki. Bannon is out until next season. All of the Mr. T fans will miss him. But, he will be back. Just like Terry Tate.

On a complete tangent, does anybody else think that some people use Facebook just to be totally annoying? I get "status" updates that say some of the most inane crap you could ever imagine. How's this for updates that go directly into the "who f--king cares" category: "is happy" or "back in the saddle" or "I'm so tired." Next time somebody posts "back to work!" I think I'll reply "scratchin my ass!"

The Cowboys are done. But, the West will be back next Saturday, 1/23, 9 AM @ Waters.

Did you know Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet? The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. See you all Saturday and make sure you wear your underwear inside your pants.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

Be somebody, or be somebody's fool!

I got the inside scoop from some of the Mr. T fans that played this week. It was 7v7 for most of the day with West beating East 26-20 (or maybe it was 20-14, it's a little sketchy). West had Big Jim, Keith, Tom C, Tim D, Murdock, London Collin & O'Kelly. East had Twinkle Toes, Levon, Kevin, Tito, Bob V, Mike C & a Gio imposter (looked like Gio, but was not Gio. Perhaps a friend of Gio?).

Showing up late were three of Tito's friends. Two were named Luis and Jose, so I am told. I am not sure these were actually their names or if this was just selected as generic-latino. The third guy was described as "light skinned" with no "Negro dialect". He was wearing a hoodie so it was hard to tell for certain but he may have been Barack Obama. I also heard that this guy was really, really fast. Faster than Tito? Then it must have been Usain Bolt.

I understand some clarification of the rules were required for which Twinkle Toes laid down the law. But I will clarify it again:

• The defense can rush as many players as they want to and they do not have to say who is rushing. That's just football. The QB needs to be quick enough to figure it out. Got it?

Who was missing? Well, for one, smack-talkin Gio was missing. Hmm. Where was Gio? I was missing but, I was snowboarding. Here I am tackling a technical slope. (In case you are wondering, Terje is my snowboarding name, just another alias of Mr. T.) Criminal was missing and was supposed to go with me but he went to the beach to go kite boarding instead. It's a round-trip ticket so we expect he will be back next week. The UF was missing and also supposed to go with me but he decided to play with his slip-n-slide. He has joined the circus and we do not expect him back.

Next game is on 1/16 @ 9 AM @ Waters.

Some of your friends may ask you why you would want to get up early on a Saturday, go out in the freezing cold and get your ass kicked. Just remember what Mr. T says: "It takes a smart guy to play dumb."

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out.

Happy Freaking New Year! It was East vs. West  (10v9) for the Hangover bowl. The West hung on for the victory 26 - 12. On the West we had Big Jim, Murdock, Justin, Tom C, Tito, Roger, Mike P,Tommy B and new T fan, Keith. For the East it was Billy E, Criminal, The UF, Mike C, Twinkle Toes, Kevin, Gio, Ryan, Cooley and new T Fan, young Tim. The East had an extra player to sub in and that was useful because at least one East player was a bit hungover. No names but he's been known to headline a Russian boy band. You got a highlight from Friday's game? Post a comment because I cannot remember.

I got a note from the pick-up soccer group saying they would only be playing on Friday this week as the weather would be "too nasty" for soccer on Saturday. Hmm. At 9 AM the temperature was about 20 degrees and the wind was gusting to 30 mph. That's a windchill of 1 degree - yeah baby!

Did we play "pick-up" football? Rhetorical question. On Saturday it was 9v9 again, this time East beat West 36 - 18. East had Cooley, Jeff, Billy E, Criminal, Mike C, Twinkle Toes, Kevin, Bob V, and new T fan Tom K. West was Rick, Tito, Gio, Big Jim, Tim, The UF, young Tim, Roger & Tommy B. Highlights I remember were a nice touch pass from Billy E over the top to Criminal on a fly for about a 50 yard TD and a 5 yard dump from Gio that Tito turned into a 70 yard scramble for TD.

All totaled about 5 hours of football this week. Have you met my friend, Pain?!!

Polling it looks like we will be playing East vs. West every week so we'll have a little cross-town rivalry. North vs. South would have been better but almost nobody from the North plays. I guess the south would have to be known as "the tough side of town." Probably lots of golfers and croquet players live on the North side of town. Not that I would ever pass judgement on those prissy games - just suffice it to say: real athletes play real sports.

Players outside of Vienna will be divided as such:

• East & South will play on East (with Vienna SE & NE)
• West & North will play on West (with Vienna SW & NW)

So, getting back to The UF's hangover: I hear he decided to drink out of a fish tank and he was taken home early from the New Years party by Mrs. UF. He was also apparently admiring the biceps of some high school boys. Yup. I don't even need to make this stuff up! Cooley reports that it was kind of creepy. So, as is my civic responsibility, I did some research and found out the UF was actually once a member of the cast of a kiddie show. See if you can guess which one is the UF. (Hint, he is wearing a pink costume.) Fortunately, he was taken home before anyone started playing with their twangers.

Our next game is on 1/9 @ 9 AM @ Waters. I will be out of town this week snowboarding - the only game I will miss this year. I will have the UF and Criminal with me so I am certain there will be something interesting for me to report. (Whether it will be reportable remains to be seen.)

Did you know Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating, Q and ZZ Top? This after drinking too much at a New Years party caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was. Twinkle Toes has the football and cones and he'll be taking attendance so don't forget where YOU need to be Saturday morning.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club