Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity.

The season finale did not disappoint. We played 4v4 with one extra at QB. It was Kevin, Twinkle Toes, Sean P & Criminal versus Big Jim, Billy B, Rick & Tommy B. Levon played QB for both sides for most of the game. We lost 49-35. Highlights were the nice passing from Levon who threw for 8000 yards and 72 TDs! OK, that is an exaggeration, but he did throw at least 8 TD passes. Sean P also had an outstanding day scoring at least 4 TDs and stealing about 4 INTs. Sean's picks were the difference in the game. The snow was very hard and crunchy so, in the interest of self preservation, we opted to play touch. It was an exceptionally tiring experience especially for those of us that had a few too many at the T party the night before. That would be the Burke boys.

The party was a lot of fun and I think almost every player and many non-playing fans showed up. It was a very sophisticated experience as you would expect for a T party, complete with a snow sculpture! The sculpture was created by the master craftsman, T-Bone Carver. It became apparent after presenting the art to several footballers that the form was not distinguishable to the novice eye. So, I decided to make guessing the artistic expression into an intelligence test. Most failed. Passing, as I recall, were about seven players - the UF (amazing, I know), Kevin, Levon, Mike P, Roger, Gio and I cannot remember who else, because, as I stated above, I had a few too many. Here is a photo of the sculpture:

Obviously, the top half of Mr. T's head, which I call "Ice T". Wrong answers were a bug, a car, a train, an R-rated guess from George B and an X-rated answer from Rick that I cannot print. Poor Bindy! Congrats to those deemed intelligent. Of course it could mean you just think like me which, arguably, may not be a good thing.

It was an enjoyable season with lots of football - 15 games - and lots of participation - 47 different players. Kevin & Tommy B take the attendance record by only missing one game each. Maybe former rugby footballers are more durable? Attendance chart is posted. Some of you need to get your priorities straight. In case you were wondering (of course you were) we had 6 games in January & February where we played East vs West. The result was a tie, 3-3, but the East did outscore the West 158-126.

I have heard that many would like to continue playing since nobody can use the fields but us, the true athletes, footballers! So, I have a poll, if you want to play next Saturday, say so. Then check back Friday night and check the tally. The UF, Billy B & I will be snowboarding in Colorado so we are out. But if you really want to play, then play. You don't need me here to babysit, do you? Remember, despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

"Do you know me? Of course you do. 'Cause I'm famous!"

Another great day playing TACKLE football in the snow! Not only was it still two feet deep, but it was also nice and chunky which made it even harder to run. Another amazing workout. We played 5v5 with one extra at QB. On one side there was Kevin, Twinkle Toes, Tom C, Rick, Bob the Builder and new T fan, John. They scored 3 TDs. The other side had Criminal, Mike C, Billy B, London Collin & Tommy B. We did not score, alas. But, we did make some nice tackles! The highlight of the day was a long pass from Bob the Builder to Twinkle Toes who dove into the snow in the end zone for the score.

Don't forget about the "T" party this Friday at 7 PM. Mike C's band is going to play live in my kitchen! We need new appliances anyway. And Criminal will be doing a fashion show! See the picture of Criminal back when he was just a Juvie D?

It does not look like will have any contention for the field again next week so I think we need an encore. That's right. One more chance Saturday 2/20 at 9 AM! If the snow stays we will most likely play tackle again. This game will be the morning after the Mr. T party the night before. So you can make sure you have your priorities straight - play football with or without a hangover? Speaking from experience, the cold temperatures do help to keep your brain on ice, so long as you do not get too out of hand. So what the heck. Besides, your friends will take care of you - that's what friends are for! Just don't be "very, very friendly men" on the football field.

Have you been enjoying the Olympics? Does anybody else think the network shows too much figure skating and not enough of anything else? They only showed 3 out of 8 heats in the boarder cross quarter-finals but we had to see ALL the figure skating. And there's not even an American in contention for figure skating. What's up with that? And why do all the male announcers for figure skating sound like they have a testosterone deficiency? And why do the male figure skaters wear make-up? Male snowboarders do not wear make-up. Just some observations.

Did you know that Mr. T’s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you? Especially if you do not show up for the encore on Saturday.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonzer
Mr. T's Fan Club

"T" Party

It's time for the 4th annual "T" party. "There ain't no party like my nanny's T party. Hi Ho." (I really, really like this video!) If you are on my email list then you are invited. JoJo (aka Mrs. T) told me she hopes we have a really, really big turn out. I wasn't sure if she would even let me have the party. But when I asked she was really excited! This was our actual conversation:

"Hey honey, do you think we could have the Mr. T party at our house this year?"
"Well, I am not sure. How many do you think will come?"
"Oh, uh, not too many."
"Ahh, that's too bad. It's just not a party unless we have a whole bunch of people over."
"Oh, uh, well, I uh, can see what I can do to get as many as I can?"
"That would be wonderful honey. Tell everyone you know!"
"Wow. OK!"

There you have it! I took notes to make sure I got it right. So, even if you never made it out for a single game, you and your wife are invited to the party. We'll have some beer and food but please bring more beer and food.

• Where: 705 Birch Street SW
• When: Friday, February 19th
• Time: 7 PM

The party will end whenever I kick everybody out, or, as soon as the UF starts doing strange things with my pets, whichever comes first. Fortunately, we have Guinea Pigs and not Gerbils. Should I be more worried? Hmm.  Anyway, answer the poll and let us know if you are coming.

And don't forget about our season finale this Saturday, 9 AM. The weather outside is frightful which makes football most delightful. Waters field is the only place you gotta go, so let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

I pity the fool who has to ask me if I still pity the fool.

This is me: Wake-up at 8 AM look out the window and see all the snow, get my gear on, run downstairs, like a 5 year old on Christmas morning. "Honey", I say, "this is going to be great!" Outside, shovel my walk, clear off my truck and head off to Waters field. At this hour you get to make first tracks through the snow, fish-tailing just because, busting through the snow walls that the plows created. Yee Ha! I arrive at Waters at 8:45 and nobody is there. Hmm. They'll show. They're not all prissys. So I start to set up the field, alone. Mike P arrives and he just walked from his house one mile away. But, he is the only one. I'm starting to wonder about the company I keep. Are they really all this lame? Only thing we need is endzones, a couple of trash cans and a couple of cones do the trick. Mike and I set up the field. Finally, three more show - Kevin, Twinkle Toes & Murdock - and it looks like we will play. I need to make some quick calls. I dial up the UF and Mrs. UF answers, "Oh, he'll be right along. I told him he had to have some food before he went out in the snow so I made him breakfast." Wow. It's already 9:10 so I call Criminal, "On my way", he answers. "Game starts at 9", I reply. I call Big Jim, "I'm digging out." "Hurry", I say.

If you are not named above then,

This is you: Wake-up whenever, look outside and think "No way they'll play in this. It's impossible." Or your wife says, "Honey, I don't think its safe. It's just foolish going out in this." And you listen. Prissy.

We played 4v4 in two feet of snow - tackle! That's right, tackle! And it was awesome. On one side we had Twinkle Toes, Mike P, Murdock & Tommy B and we scored 4 TDs. On the other there was Criminal, the UF, Kevin & Big Jim and they scored 3 TDs. Running in two feet of snow is really, really hard but it is an amazing work-out. We had quick dumps, shovel passes, bombs, sweeps & options. Diving catches - even when diving wasn't necessary. And tackles, lots of tackles!

So where were you? Ice fishing? Did your car breakdown? Life is short, so play while you can.

Last game of the season will be Saturday 2/13 @ 9 AM @ Waters. The snow will still be on the field - don't be a prissy. Again.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

Week 10 Updates

Tommy's Tips

1. If you do not live in Vienna and you do not have a four wheel drive, I suggest you make your way to our fine town on Friday night. Find a place to crash. You can stay in my basement - my dog almost never bites unless I tell her to, or you could check into a local hotel.
2. If you are a pansy-ass, make sure you get your groceries and gas up your car tonight.
3. If you need to shovel your wife's car out in the morning, get out of bed earlier. If you need to shovel your mother and your mother-in-laws' cars out, get up even earlier.
4. If you have cramps, take your meds.

Unless you are out of town or seriously injured, you have no excuse. So far as I know the only serious injuries we have had are a torn ACL and a fractured foot. So unless this is you or you're are recovering from a concussion (maybe you think you're Batman), you should be at Waters field by 8:45 so you can get warmed up. Remember, this is not golf, croquet, softball, baseball, tennis, polo, cricket, lacrosse or even soccer. This is football. So no jibba jabba.

Tommy B
Chief Antagonizer
Mr. T's Fan Club

You can run, but you can't hide. Because Mr. T is already there.

Another epic outing in the snow! It started to fall right at nine and never stopped. By 10:30 or so we could no longer see the field markings. We played 7v7 and this time the East spanked the West 30-6. East had Levon, Gio, Tom C, Tony, Bob V, Twinkle Toes & Mike C. West had Tim D, Criminal, Murdock, Tricky D, London Collin, Kevin & Tommy B.  For highlights I cannot recall anything specific, just nice passing from Gio and Levon and good routes by the East. There was a nice collision of about 450 pounds when Levon & Mike C both went for the same interception. They lay on the ground for a while and we almost had to roll them off the field so we could continue playing. Fortunately they both got up and appeared to be ok. Well, ok except Levon kept claiming, "I'm batman!"

Last week's poll had 18 respondents. Eleven will not, five are willing and only two would rather play tackle. Looks like nobody wants to play tackle except me and my brother. Huh. So are the Burke boys just tougher than everyone else or, not quite as smart? As I've said before there is a fine line between bad ass and dumb ass and I have definitely crossed it a few times before and I am sure that given the opportunity, I will again. Oh well. No opportunity this time. Touch it is.

So, here's a tangent. What's with all the ED commercials during football games? Do guys that watch football have some correlation with ED? I know guys that play football also watch football but I don't think I know anyone with this ailment. At least from the sideline banter, it's not apparent. Did drug companies actually do any market research or are they just trying to annoy the crap out of us? Don't you love it when your kid asks, "Dad, what's ED?" Now my daughters just giggle when they hear "if you experience a four hour erection..." From my experience and the conversations I've had, most guys have the opposite problem - crankin one up for no damn reason. How many times back in school did you take the zero because you wouldn't go to the blackboard and solve the problem? You knew the answer but the timing was bad. Or maybe you're walking around the office and your boxers happen to rub the wrong way? It happens. I created a new poll - it's market research for Pfizer. Really. So be honest. And this poll has nothing to do with the response to last week's poll. Really.

This week it's Superbowl Saturday! The game is on 2/6 @ 9 AM @ Waters. May the best team win. Like Mr. T says, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" There's also a game on Sunday with hopefully no ED commercials. "Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?" I got $20 dat say dem Colts do. Any takers?

Tommy B

Chief Antagonizer

Mr. T's Fan Club

P.S. So has anyone bought the new iPad?